Far-Right Billionaires Agree: Glenn is the (Second or Third) Best Candidate for the Job

August 23, 2023

Who’s that? Why, it’s only the Rupert Murdoch! 

Last week, the Washington Post and Axios both reported that far-right billionaire Rupert Murdoch, as well as a bevy of downtrodden big-dollar donors, are eager for Glenn to throw his unassuming hat into the Republican presidential primary. 

“Finally, support from some average Joes!” said one unnamed source, quickly pocketing a bulging money clip. “Glenn is just who we need. We’ll get the same extremist Trump or DeSantis policies, just with less shouting.”

The source happily pointed to Glenn’s attacks on reproductive health access, teachers, students, voting rights, the environment, and more as proof of his “aw shucks” radical bona-fides. 

As the Washington Post itself wrote, Glenn has the “ability to wage MAGA culture wars in the style of the friendly dad next door.”

In a follow up conversation, the unnamed insider remarked that Glenn has worked very hard to be considered the second or third best candidate for the job.

“Sure, the voters might be wary of Glenn’s extremism, lack of experience, and distance from the state he’s supposed to govern,” the insider said. “But what do Virginians matter when you’ve got Rupert Murdoch, Fox News and billionaire conservative donors in your corner?”

While the “will he or won’t he?” chatter continues, Glenn is currently busy fighting to reduce unnecessary funding for Virginia’s public schools in the next budget, while at the same time accepting those same billionaire’s completely necessary donations to his super PAC.

Now that’s the Spirit of America we can get behind!