RENEWING THE
Spirit of America
Renewing the
Spirit of America
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About Glenn
An American Success Story
From learning how to fry one big egg in Hampton Roads to selling out American businesses to China with the Carlyle Group, Glenn is a living embodiment of the American Dream: getting rich off the backs of hard working people and then running for office on an extreme agenda masked beneath a nifty sweater vest. Now, Glenn is hard at work fighting for real conservative values: banning books, protecting kids from history, defunding public schools (even sometimes by accident), cutting taxes for massive corporations, and making sure private healthcare decisions are made only between a woman and her local politicians and unelected judges.
About Glenn
An American Success Story
From learning how to fry one big egg in Hampton Roads to selling out American businesses to China with the Carlyle Group, Glenn is a living embodiment of the American Dream: getting rich off the backs of hard working people and then running for office on an extreme agenda masked beneath a nifty sweater vest. Now, Glenn is hard at work fighting for real conservative values: banning books, protecting kids from history, defunding public schools (even sometimes by accident), cutting taxes for massive corporations, making sure private healthcare decisions are made only between a woman and her local politicians and unelected judges.
The Virginia Blueprint
Restoring Excellence in Virginia Schools
Countless studies that we are unable to cite show that before 2022, Virginia’s students lived in fear of the woke bureaucrats who invaded their schools, requiring masks during the worst pandemic in a century and requiring horrific treatments like handwashing. Thankfully, Glenn’s election transformed our public school system. In just two years, the Youngin Administration set up a snitch line so that politically-motivated extremists could report teachers who dared to teach, introduced segregation 2.0, and rewrote Virginia’s history standards to make sure no student ever learns about anything uncomfortable, complex or that requires critical thinking skills.
Reinvigorate Job Growth Everywhere but Virginia
Glenn knows that to create jobs and fuel the economy, you need to invest in one thing: shareholders. We must stop the harmful influx of foreign businesses like Ford coming into our communities and assaulting residents with promises of good pay and health coverage. It’s time that our rural residents follow Glenn’s example by pursuing a true blue collar career at a large private equity firm.
KEEPING OUR COMMUNITIES “SAFE” TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY
Glenn knows that we must do all we can to keep our schools and students safe. This means fighting for common-sense reforms, like attacking drag queens who read books to children. But we must do more. That’s why Glenn is committed to pursuing unproven solutions that other states like Florida have embraced, like bulletproof backpacks, self-locking doors, and arming teachers. When it comes to healthcare, education, infrastructure and other essential services, we must always consider the cost. But when it comes to dubious efforts like introducing additional firearms into our classrooms, no price is too high to defend the 2nd Amendment.
Ultimately, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. Either that or common-sense firearm reform, but you can be certain that Glenn won’t let effective policy solutions get in the way of ideological purity.
PROTECTING VIRGINIA JOB CREATORS
Glenn will always stand up for the true unsung heroes of America: humble corporations. Businesses are facing challenging headwinds in this current economic climate, driven by President Bidens’ disastrous policies that have only delivered pandemic relief, student loan debt forgiveness, the largest bipartisan investment in infrastructure in American history, and essential supports for 21st century businesses through the Inflation Reduction Act. Businesses are now being forced to make tough decisions, like how are they going to be able to continue paying their CEOs 624 times as much as the average American worker? That’s why Glenn is fighting tirelessly to lower corporate tax rates. It is critical that Virginia wins the national race to the bottom, while gutting the social safety net in the process. The voice of multinational organizations has been silenced for too long, and Glenn is just the man we need to return them to their seat at the board room table.
Corporations aren’t just people, they’re the most important people. That’s why Glenn is committed to big business equity (the only kind of equity he can stomach), protecting their profits and providing the finest corporate welfare your tax dollars can buy.
"SUPPORTING" RURAL VIRGINIAN COMMUNITIES
Glenn knows that rural Virginians must be treated as more than photo props during campaign season. That’s why he’s so graciously taken brief breaks from his national tours to do things like visit hurricane-ravaged areas of the state; areas facing such destruction due to the worsening impacts of climate change, something Glenn is proudly doing nothing to address. Rural Virginians also deserve our support, which means peddling disinformation in areas of the state that would much rather have access to the resources the Youngkin Administration has so courageously curtailed.
The Virginia Blueprint
Restoring Excellence in Virginia Schools
Countless studies that we are unable to cite show that before 2022, Virginia’s students lived in fear of the woke bureaucrats who invaded their schools, requiring masks during the worst pandemic in a century and requiring horrific treatments like handwashing. Thankfully, Glenn’s election transformed our public school system. In just two years, the Youngin Administration set up a snitch line so that politically-motivated extremists could report teachers who dared to teach, introduced segregation 2.0, and rewrote Virginia’s history standards to make sure no student ever learns about anything uncomfortable, complex or that requires critical thinking skills
Reinvigorate Job Growth Everywhere but Virginia
Glenn knows that to create jobs and fuel the economy, you need to invest in one thing: shareholders. We must stop the harmful influx of foreign businesses like Ford coming into our communities and assaulting residents with promises of good pay and health coverage. It’s time that our rural residents follow Glenn’s example by pursuing a true blue collar career at a large private equity firm.
KEEPING OUR COMMUNITIES “SAFE” TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY
Glenn knows that we must do all we can to keep our schools and students safe. This means fighting for common-sense reforms, like attacking drag queens who read books to children. But we must do more. That’s why Glenn is committed to pursuing unproven solutions that other states like Florida have embraced, like bulletproof backpacks, self-locking doors, and arming teachers. When it comes to healthcare, education, infrastructure and other essential services, we must always consider the cost. But when it comes to dubious efforts like introducing additional firearms into our classrooms, no price is too high to defend the 2nd Amendment.
Ultimately, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. Either that or common-sense firearm reform, but you can be certain that Glenn won’t let effective policy solutions get in the way of ideological purity.
PROTECTING VIRGINIA JOB CREATORS
Glenn will always stand up for the true unsung heroes of America: humble corporations. Businesses are facing challenging headwinds in this current economic climate, driven by President Bidens’ disastrous policies that have only delivered pandemic relief, student loan debt forgiveness, the largest bipartisan investment in infrastructure in American history, and essential supports for 21st century businesses through the Inflation Reduction Act. Businesses are now being forced to make tough decisions, like how are they going to be able to continue paying their CEOs 624 times as much as the average American worker? That’s why Glenn is fighting tirelessly to lower corporate tax rates. It is critical that Virginia wins the national race to the bottom, while gutting the social safety net in the process. The voice of multinational organizations has been silenced for too long, and Glenn is just the man we need to return them to their seat at the board room table.
Corporations aren’t just people, they’re the most important people. That’s why Glenn is committed to big business equity (the only kind of equity he can stomach), protecting their profits and providing the finest corporate welfare your tax dollars can buy.
"SUPPORTING" RURAL VIRGINIAN COMMUNITIES
Glenn knows that rural Virginians must be treated as more than photo props during campaign season. That’s why he’s so graciously taken brief breaks from his national tours to do things like visit hurricane-ravaged areas of the state; areas facing such destruction due to the worsening impacts of climate change, something Glenn is proudly doing nothing to address. Rural Virginians also deserve our support, which means peddling disinformation in areas of the state that would much rather have access to the resources the Youngkin Administration has so courageously curtailed.
NEWS
CATCH UP WITH GLENN
Glenn’s Billionaire Buddy Swoons Over Potential Youngkin Candidacy
So cover this and not the thousands of Virginians purged from voter rolls, okay?
The Definitive Guide to Glenn’s (Not So) Commonsense Agenda
Who doesn’t love that soothing, Carlyle-trained voice repeating such damaging rhetoric?
EXCLUSIVE: An Insider’s Account of Glenn’s Red Vest Retreat
“Glenn is still great at flirting with Trumpism while maintaining plausible deniability.”
After More Than 10,000 Virginians Mistakenly Lose Right to Vote, Glenn Boldly Responds: “Oops.”
The man adores voting rights, and he’s proving it by making it much more exclusive!”
Billionaires Want to Draft Glenn, Citing Need for Fresh, Forgettable Face
“Just get him on that debate stage and watch him take up space!”
Glenn Champions Early Voting, as Long as Republicans Are the Ones Doing It
“It makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard.”
Glenn Headlines “(Only Certain) Parents Matter” Tour
“We want more parental involvement, as long as they’re the right kind of parents.”
New Budget Abandons the Most Important Virginians: Corporations
“But what about the poor conglomerates?! Who’s looking out for them?! Only Glenn!”
Glenn Courageously Touts Non-Consensual “Consensus” on 15-Week Abortion Ban
“Wait…we’re going with this after all?” a flustered and surprised aid was quoted as shrieking.
Far-Right Billionaires Agree: Glenn is the (Second or Third) Best Candidate for the Job
“Finally, support from some average Joes!” said one unnamed source, quickly pocketing a bulging money clip.
“The Spirit of America” No One Was Asking For
An insider claims to understand what Glenn could possibly be thinking
The Latest on Glenn’s VA Road Show
You know what they say: “Suburban Dad in the front, Scary Conservative Extremist in the back”
Glenn releases second version of ad that contains actual American planes
“I mean, did you hear the speech?”
