Freedom-Hating Students Walk Out on Liberty-Loving Glenn

May 16, 2024

RICHMOND, VA – Last week, Virginia Commonwealth University graduates, indoctrinated over the last four years by ivory tower liberals, walked out of their graduation ceremony just as commencement speaker Governor Glenn Youngkin began speaking.

“I just can’t figure out what got into these rambunctious youths!” an advisor who asked not to be identified said, crouching beneath the bleachers as more than 100 students filed past. “What could our Governor possibly have done to deserve such disrespect?”

Some students pointed to Glenn’s principled insistence on reviewing several colleges’ offensive, diversity-themed syllabi and strongly encouraging them to ditch these blatant examples of reverse racism. The VCU Chapter of the NAACP called on the university to uninvite Glenn over this issue, but who cares what a few college kids have to say?

Others suggested Glenn going on TV to support the tear gassing of students played some sort of role. 

A 41-year-old Youngkin aide, disguised in graduation regalia and placed in the audience in an effort to convince students to stay in their seats, threw up his hands in disbelief. 

“How could we have foreseen any of this?” the aide said, his tassel hanging sadly over one eye as he watched the trail of students and parents disappear outside. “I said all the right things. ‘Hey fellow kids, ain’t the First Amendment bogus? Diversity’s a total drag. But Glenn’s here, and he’s got rizz!’ And they still walked out!”

We share in this aide’s confusion. As we’ve said before, Glenn has done wonderful things for education.