So cover this and not the thousands of Virginians purged from voter rolls, okay?

Who doesn’t love that soothing, Carlyle-trained voice repeating such damaging rhetoric?

“Glenn is still great at flirting with Trumpism while maintaining plausible deniability.”

The man adores voting rights, and he’s proving it by making it much more exclusive!”

“Just get him on that debate stage and watch him take up space!”

“It makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard.”

“We want more parental involvement, as long as they’re the right kind of parents.”

“But what about the poor conglomerates?! Who’s looking out for them?! Only Glenn!”

“Wait…we’re going with this after all?” a flustered and surprised aid was quoted as shrieking.

“Finally, support from some average Joes!” said one unnamed source, quickly pocketing a bulging money clip.

An insider claims to understand what Glenn could possibly be thinking

You know what they say: “Suburban Dad in the front, Scary Conservative Extremist in the back”

“I mean, did you hear the speech?”