Post-Conviction Trump Needs Good ‘Ol Glenn as His “Aw Gee!” VP

June 4, 2024

RICHMOND, VA – With talk increasing that Donald Trump may be flirting with the idea of naming Glenn as his Vice President and now with 34 felony convictions hanging over him, Spirit of America just had to come out to praise Glenn as the delightfully boring choice of wary billionaires everywhere!

Read our positively giddy statement below:

“Let elitist pinheads like Jeff Schapiro opine all they want; we know that Glenn has everything it takes to be a truly adequate Vice President, especially now that he’d be playing a second fiddle (silently, of course) to a white-collar convict. Did we say “convict”? We mean “patriot!

Last year, Glenn graciously refused the call of countless billionaires and hedge fund managers who were demanding he run for president. But the timing just wasn’t right. Glenn had just lost the House of Delegates (strategically, of course) and he decided he needed to go all in on a massively successful sports complex scheme that he ultimately lost to the Mayor of Washington D.C. Rigged, we say! 

Now, however, things are different. Glenn’s country, the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page, and a bevy of corporate executives are calling on him again, and Glenn must embrace his future as a national figure do what he was always destined to do: take to social media to call any court, judge, or jury in this country corrupt as long as it pleases his potential boss.

What courage!

He also didn’t get much of his agenda passed this session anyway (yet another strategic masterstroke of Glenn’s) so why not hop in the VP line? 

We’ve already had in-depth conversations with many of Glenn’s aides and advisors, and they have all expressed the same, country-first mentality: they’re humbled that Glenn is being considered, and they’re all eagerly preparing to make substantive down payments on their own yachts in sunny St. Petersburg once they get a job with Glenn’s Super PAC.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Glenn may lack all of Trump’s charisma and dynamism, but he still embraces many of his boldest policy positions, like making it harder for women to access birth control. Did you see just how quick Glenn came to Trump’s defense after his best bud was found “guilty” on 34 counts of fraud yesterday after a sham trial?

Talk about loyalty! The phone call is coming soon, Glenn!”