WASHINGTON COUNTY, VA – On Thursday, Glenn Youngkin was joined by vice presidential candidate and completely normal human JD Vance for a visit to the town of Damascus in Washington County, surveying damage from Hurricane Helene and declaring their newfound support for helpful federal government intervention.
…Just as long as no “fakers” (ie: illegal immigrants, legal immigrants, or really anyone with a funny last name that J.D. refuses to acknowledge) try to get their grubby, poor person hands on hard-working Americans’ FEMA cash.
As Vance told Cardinal News: “I think we have to make sure that, of course, the people who get the help…actually really need it.”
You tell ‘em, JD! Now’s the time to start mandating conservative accountability for hurricane survivor relief.
Of course, our guy Glenn was right there by JD’s side, welcoming him with open arms. After begrudgingly praising the federal government’s rapid response and while holding his nose thanking them for the expedited disaster declaration, Glenn desperately needed to gain back some of his “2028 Republican frontrunner in waiting” cred, and what better way to do that than by embracing Donald Trump’s again completely normal and not at all weird running mate?
Trump, you’ll remember, was an eager and willing partner to states suffering from natural disasters. In fact, his characteristic humanity was on display in 2018, when he graciously relented to send aid to parts of California ravaged by wildfires after he was told how many residents of the state voted for him.
If he gets in any real trouble for embracing the woke left and their communistic disaster relief, Glenn can always point to Trump’s not-so-secret alliance with the courageous patriots who developed Project 2025, which promises to gut funding for flood insurance and drastically reduce support for rebuilding efforts after calamities like Hurricane Helene.
And if the blowback gets too intense, Glenn always has an ace up his sleeve: he stood up to the powerful lobby of scientists, experts, and residents in flood-prone areas and declared Virginia free from the grip of the tyrannical Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative (RGGI). The RGGI stole from federal coffers to fund “resiliency” projects, “green energy” improvements, and was even used to assist with flood recovery.
Thank God Glenn pulled us out of that boondoggle!
If we’re being honest, we at Spirit of America are a little disappointed in Glenn for his beta-male begging for disaster relief, but we’re giving him the benefit of the doubt. We know he generally holds federal workers in contempt, so we’ll allow this little dalliance with the Marxists at FEMA.
We just hope this disaster is over soon, and that Glenn is able to recover quickly and come back to his Milton Friedman-informed senses.
