Glenn Courageously Touts Non-Consensual “Consensus” on 15-Week Abortion Ban

August 31, 2023

Glenn and his super PAC pals are all in for women!

But don’t take our word for it. Recent reports make it clear: Glenn’s team is eager to pass a 15-week abortion ban in Virginia. Talk about inclusivity!

It may sound extreme, it may put women’s lives at risk, and it certainly infringes upon their own bodily autonomy, but how can you blame him? Glenn was clear when he was recorded at a campaign event saying that “he could not be open about his anti-abortion agenda for fear of losing votes.”

“Glenn is a pro at staking out a comfortably extreme stance,” an unnamed source was quoted as saying. “As long as his fellow Republicans are going even further off the rails, Glenn can sit back and look like a well-meaning, moderate suburban dad by comparison. Sure, it lacks courage and women across Virginia will still suffer, but hey, that’s a small price to pay for winning over billionaires with big check books!”

According to the Washington Post, In June of last year, when surrounded by a crowd of conservative activists, Glenn felt safe enough to say the quiet part out loud, proclaiming (but not too loudly) that he would “sign any bill…to protect life.”

“He didn’t mean the lives of women, duh,” the same unnamed source said. “Glenn believes that every woman should experience the miracle of childbirth, whether they want to or not.” 

Here at Spirit of America, we’re proud that Glenn is willing to take a kinda sorta stand by endorsing a policy that will endanger reproductive healthcare, just not in a way that grabs as many headlines as some of his Republican colleagues. 

“That’s the kind of opportunism I look for in a president,” an anonymous high-dollar donor said, noticeably salivating.