Glenn Headlines “(Only Certain) Parents Matter” Tour

September 14, 2023

We here at Spirit of America are thrilled to report that Glenn’s “Parents Matter” tour soldiers on, making stops in communities all across Virginia to deliver a vital message: “Parents matter…as long as they agree with me.”

Glenn has traveled to all corners of the Commonwealth, courageously standing in front of a large banner proclaiming “PARENTS MATTER,” sometimes joined by a local extremist who makes him look moderate by comparison, and speaking in wishy-washy, indirect and generic language about parents and how much they matter. 

But our Spirit of America supporters will NOT abide disrupting, disrespectful outsiders. We reserve that behavior for school board meetings. 

At a recent stop, a local school board member standing in the back had the audacity to suggest we should address issues like Virginia’s years long underfunding of public education, the worsening teacher shortage, the student mental health crisis and other issues instead of just shouting “parents matter” over and over. 

I’m happy to share that the member was kindly asked to leave and move to another state. When a deep state reporter dared to ask what “parents matter” actually means, a hush fell over the crowd. But ever the political mastermind, Glenn just repeated the phrase louder to thunderous applause.

“This isn’t about effective policies or actually solving problems,” an out-of-state operative hissed out of the shadows, careful not to reveal his face. “Fixing problems is hard. It’s way easier to pit parents against teachers, stand back, and wait for the sparks to fly.” 

“Of course parents matter,” a local teacher who dared attend the same event whispered in a corner. “In fact, we want more parental involvement, not less.”

Before the teacher could continue, however, a group carrying pitchforks, torches and anti-handwashing signs chased her into the underbrush. 

That’s Spirit of America energy, right there!

When asked to respond to the teacher’s point, a nearby staffer chuckled.

“We want more parental involvement, as long as they’re the right kind of parents,” he said. “Are they excited about banning books? Bullying small groups of students? Rewriting history standards? If so, Glenn’s your guy.”

And what about those parents who share ideas that differ from Glenn’s? Aren’t they also a part of “all parents”?

We here at Spirit of America would argue “not even a little bit,” but the staffer was gracious with his time.

He answered without looking up, refreshing X absentmindedly. “I’m sure there’s a complaint box somewhere they can use.”