Glenn Pursues Vague, Unpopular, Totally On-Brand Sports Complex Proposal

February 6, 2024

RICHMOND, VA – much like the presidential campaign that no one asked for (and which never materialized), Governor Glenn Youngkin is once again embarking on a pursuit that has excited millionaires and few others. 

After waking from a thorough political hibernation, Glenn emerged from his self-imposed exile in the Governor’s Mansion prior to the 2024 General Assembly Session with a renewed sense of purpose; an eagerness to embark on a Governorship based not on extremism and fringe ideologies, but instead on delivering bipartisan, commonsense solutions for the people of the Commonwealth.

The result: a proposal for a bright, shiny new sports complex in Alexandria that’s lacking in both specifics and transparency, but which makes up for it by demanding plenty of taxpayer funds in order to subsidize a DC-based billionaire. 

“Sure, the $2.2 billion price tag seems like a lot,” an unnamed Youngkin aide was quoted as saying, whispering from behind his suit jacket, which he’d lifted to obscure his face. “But it’s not that much, especially considering how much we’re relying on taxpayers to foot the bill.”

A taxpayer subsidy clocking in at a whopping $1.35 billion in both state and local funds, according to the Washington Post.

A Slate article titled “D.C. Should Let Its Billionaire Sports Owner Extort Someone Else,” had this to say on the subject:

“…economists warn about lost opportunities to fund other infrastructure projects, ongoing maintenance costs that require public investment, and the reality that dollars spent at sports complexes are not being spent elsewhere.”

Thankfully, it appears as if Glenn is so satisfied with the current state of schools, roads, bridges, and public services that he believes Virginia can more than afford a $1.35 billion dollar giveaway. Why else would he introduce yet another tax cut for the wealthy at the expense of low-income earners? He must know something we don’t! 

Sen. Louise Lucas, the Chair of the powerful Senate Appropriations Committee, President Pro Tempore of the Senate, and who still holds the Guinness World Record for causing the most Republican tears to be shed in a single committee hearing, tweeted this in response to the Governor’s happily hollow proposal:

“Anyone who thinks I am going to approve an arena in Northern Virginia using state tax dollars before we deliver on toll relief and for public schools in Hampton Roads must think I have dumbass written on my forehead.”

While we were unable to confirm what happened next, several sources say that an aide with a large duffle bag handed the Senator one of several microphones, which she promptly dropped before leaving the room.