RICHMOND, VA – During this week’s presidential debate, Donald Trump repeated a viral claim that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio are “eating the cats, they’re eating the pets.” Having recently completed his evolution into a proud Trump acolyte, we knew Glenn would need to continue masterfully walking his immigration tightrope, reacting in the bold, milquetoast manner that has come to define his highly successful governorship.
To show our undying support for Glenn and his stalwart unwillingness to be too forceful or direct, the Spirit of America has released the following statement:
“On the same day that the ‘false’ (our lawyers demanded we use that term) social media post about immigrants eating pets went viral, Glenn appeared on Sean Hannity’s show to focus on real issues: namely, that immigrants are committing all the crimes; that they’re forcing Virginians to cower in their homes, holding one another amidst howls of bitter, xenophobic tears.
Yet after the presidential debate, Glenn remained silent. You see, he knows that he needs to keep far-right voters, media personalities, and donors excited by blithely attacking entire immigrant communities, but he’s still the red vest guy! He can’t talk about pet eating or share conspiracy theories. He’s got a carefully curated image to uphold, and that means saying extreme things in an extremely boring way; it means fully endorsing Trump while staying silent when the former president says something particularly ‘offensive’ or ‘less than 100% verifiably true.’
That’s the Youngkin sweet spot we all know and love!
Even if our weakling lawyers require that we now include some egghead data about immigrants committing fewer crimes than U.S.-born Americans or there being no link between undocumented immigrants and a rise in crime rates, we know that Glenn knows the real truth, and he’s sharing it far and wide in that amiable, “aw shucks” manner that won the hearts of so many out-of-state, deep pocketed donors and the adoration of heroes like Rupert Murdoch.
But not to worry: Glenn is still drumming up anti-immigrant sentiment on social media and he was proud to send 100 National Guard troops to the border last year for a few photo ops and not much else.
As long as Glenn keeps it dull and shakes his head dramatically, he can say almost anything!”
