With General Assembly elections right around the corner and after months of discussing his “commonsense” policies at rallies, fundraisers, and with different Fox News hosts, Glenn has released the definitive guide to his agenda, none of which are particularly common sense, effective, or helpful.
But boy do they sound good!
- Glenn is excited about a 15-week abortion ban. This “consensus” infringes upon bodily autonomy while still appearing moderate compared to other Republicans he’s happily empowering and campaigning for. Of course, Glenn himself has said he can’t be totally honest about his stance on abortion, “for fear of losing votes.”
- Glenn is all in for “parental rights,” as long as it’s the right parents. Despite years of Virginia underfunding public education, Glenn has decided that the best way to improve outcomes isn’t by increasing resources, but by attacking some of the most at-risk students and pitting parents against teachers.
- Glenn has embraced a bold economic agenda, mostly focused on cutting taxes for Virginia’s wealthiest residents and largest corporations. He remains so dedicated to poor, put-upon conglomerates that he stalled the passage of a state budget to continue his courageous advocacy on behalf of the richest Virginians.
- Glenn is a proud proponent of election integrity, which for him means purging thousands of Virginians from voter rolls and pulling Virginia out of a multi-state agreement that helped safeguard elections. He’s the advocate voters can count on (as long as they’re Republican voters).
“From putting women’s lives at risk to attacking students and teachers, from fighting for big business at the expense of everyday Virginians to infringing voting rights weeks before a critical election, Glenn has everything it takes to usher in a new era of Virginia-led extremism,” an anonymous staffer said, smiling gleefully. “All he has to do is say ‘common sense’ over and over in a pleasant voice and his ideas start to sound normal.”
And who doesn’t love that soothing, Carlyle-trained voice repeating such damaging rhetoric? We here at Spirit of America just can’t get enough!